The end (almost)

I feel like shit again and is totally my fault. I was so fcking childish without realising... 

 Was bad enough to hear him say "yes" when I asked if this was it. If you ripped my heart open would have hurt less. I got mad a lot, wish to be back home (we're on vacations) but never ever I imagined not being with him. I cried so much. I couldn't move, god knows how hard it was to move and leave the airport. 

We're still together but I feel so awkward. I never felt like this with him. 

I don't know if I'm saying the wrong thing or nor, if it is okay to make questions and keep the conversation going or just be quiet and wait for him...

 I feel so lost and lonely. I keep crying and the only person I want to talk about this is him.. He is my best friend. I don't want to lost my best friend and love of my life. 

I don't know what can I do... 

I'm so clueless!

 Please help me :(